Were we supposed to post the drafts from conference here?

My iron count was down. I was in a home of amazing cooks (when was that going to happen again?). Now what the time to eat animal for the first time in ten years. I stabbed a piece of cut up chicken, covered in Alfredo sauce, with my fork, taking a tiny nibble when it neared my mouth. I ran my tongue over it, taking in the flavor before deciding to eat more. I put the rest of the piece in my mouth, along with some noodles; I liked the crispy texture before biting into the soft chicken. After my third tiny piece, i stopped eating the chicken, conscious that my body needed to slowly adjust to animals again or else it'd get sick. I focused on the pasta.

Refresh

Refresh

By

Brian O’Neill

            There are moments in life that are easily remembered or never forgotten, it depends on how you want to dress that statement up, almost like dressing up a turkey for Thanksgiving.

            Yesterday, while giving back to those who served before me, I was taken back in time with stories of simple yet tough times. Their words reminded me that, what is seen and heard through the eyes and ears of the elderly is different from my own. They have seen more change over time and have grown to accept things in a more humbling way than I have chosen to my past few years. Their smiles, kind words, and a few stories between us, made for some good laughs. One man that I wheeled around was almost blind, though he had vision until the turn of the century. He asked me to describe all that I saw. I was thankful that I was able to do so in such a “colorful” manner, which had him laughing and smiling quite a bit. He was a bit of a character himself.

            Throughout the day, I listened as they commented on the sounds they heard from the multiple of performances put on by neighboring schools and community organizations. My favorite was, “ I want a hippopotamus for Christmas…” I danced, snacked on cookies and gave some people a different take on life, as they had given to me.

            Towards the end of the day, one of the many Senior Centers that were passing through and I recognized some familiar faces. I had worked with the elderly for two years prior to enrolling at BSU. I went up to a few of them and led them into who I was, showing the tattoos helped, along with the smile that they said they missed. I hadn’t seen these folks in over four years yet, I was remembered, hugged, and kissed. I was told that I needed to visit as well as someone we new was “feisty as ever”. I’m still wearing that smile.

            I went out yesterday with good intentions in my heart. I needed this. I didn’t expect to be affected so much by the ones I thought I was helping. They helped me. I have though about giving back for a while but something always came up. I have thought about visiting my old friends but something always came up. As I thought about the events that transpired yesterday, something came up. I found my refresh button, which I am in great need of lately and I am thankful for that.

            

A Leap of Faith

I could reach out and touch the heavens if I wanted. The clouds were a dream of cotton candy. The day was perfect and I was waiting for the inevitable moment that angels would start singing a gentle hallelujah from their cotton candy castles above. But with a violent shudder brought on by looking down at the lake below, I was brought back to the task at hand. I better just jump and get it over with. The more I looked down, the more convinced I was that I was sprouting feathers and would be forced to spend the rest of my clucking. Cluck Cluck Cluck. So that’s that then. I have to jump or commit to living a life as a chicken. Why must the angels condemn me so?! Stepping closer to the edge of the mountainous cliff, a small rock plummets in a death jump to the bottom of the lake. No way. I can’t do this. I will end up at the bottom of the lake just like the helpless rock. Take a deep breath. One more step and I am back at the edge. My toes wiggle as though they are trying desperately to fly away from this crazy place. I guess clucking isn't so bad. At least I will be alive. I close my eyes and jump. The air rapidly whooshes by me and my life flashes before my eyes. Well my triumph over becoming a chicken flashed before my eyes. Don’t forget to hold your breath! My stomach is in my chest and the adrenaline is unbelievable. I could probably throw a bus right now so my brothers shouldn't mess with me. My feet touch the water and the adrenaline trumps the panic. As each part of my body is submerged in the icy water, I am reminded of my victory here today. The gentle hallelujah from the angels comes crashing down on me as my head breaks the surface. I’m alive. “Let’s do that again!”

I'm too old for this!

It was cold like it is now. My friends actually talk me into going night skiing up at Bogus Basin. I did not want to go…I did not want to go! They convinced me it would be warmer and the powder, perfect.

            We get up there and its cold, the snow is icy, and it’s very, very windy. My friends convince me to take chair one to the back side. Not the new chair one…the old chair one. Skiing would be good and no wind. As we cruise up on the chairlift to the top of the hill, the winds are picking up, lifting the snow from the adjacent hill right into our path of vision. I almost missed getting off the ski lift which landed me flat on my ass. As I look down the mountain, visibility is Neel. “I’m going home!” and proceeded down to the lodge.

I reach the top and the wind gusts are strong…forty miles an hour strong. I can’t see and I am pissed. I didn't even hit ten feet when I hit a patch of ice that pulled the rug right out from under me, landing me directly onto my left knee. Ooooh the pain! I ended up having to piggy back on some dude just to get down the mountain.

I haven’t been skiing since…

Again...

Yes, Really

My alarm woke me up to my favorite song. It was going to be an awesome day.

I had Choco Chomps for breakfast. They are awesome.

I ran late to class but at the last moment a spot opened up close to where I had to be. That was totally awesome.

When I went to lunch I saw a stranger help an old lady cross the street. It made me feel good.

Awesome!

I went to a movie that night with my friends. It was such a kickass, awesome film. After that we went out for drinks and had such an awesome time.

The bar tender thought one of my friends was hot so she gave us free shots. It was awesome.

I haven’t seen my best friend in quite some time. He had a rough year battling cancer but now he’s in remission. That is so awesome. We grew up in the same neighborhood and we had a lot of awesome times together. I can’t wait to start making plans for when he is here it’s going to be so awesome.

I feel like I’m going to puke.

Awesome! 

And the Other One

This one I wrote all by myself:

Around the bend…60 miles an hour. Ish. 

Sunlight ends abruptly. 

Large patch of shadow = ice. 

I no longer have control. It doesn’t seem quite real and I reach down to put it into four wheel drive. Which, of course, makes no difference. I scream—loud long screaming screaming screaming it doesn’t feel like I’ll ever quit screaming and I feel the Blazer flip. 

I’m upside down. 

Right side up. 

Upside down again. Maybe a few more times I have no idea because suddenly

            I’m stopped.

                                     On all four wheels.

The baby is crying screaming frantically screaming as loud as I probably was. 

I still can’t believe we’re alive and I just want the baby to be quiet but maybe he’s hurt?                                                                           Ohshitohshitohshit.

He stops crying as soon as his pudgy hands touch the steering wheel. I look out beyond the window and I’m stunned by the sudden quiet. There’s a semi waaaaaaay up there am I in a ravine? What the hell happened? 

Cell phone has no service of course because I didn’t pay the bill. I try to call someone anyway but a customer service rep gets snooty at me when I tell him in one desperate pleading breath that I just want to call my dad and I don’t care if he can contact the police for me I don’t want to talk to them I want to talk. to. my. dad. Fuck you I say and hang up but closing the flip phone is less satisfying than slamming an old school phone into the receiver. 

I guess I better get out of the Blazer. How am I alive? Did this really happen?

With a Little Help from my Kids

I figured I would go ahead and post the thing I mentioned today in salon. 

I was having writer's block, so my kids helped me write a thing. I added the swears myself, I'll have you know. 

As a side note: if you are writing depress-y stuff that is super reflective and weird and you have access to children to help you write something silly, I highly recommend it. 

 

There was a walrus.

Except it was an otter.

It swam            smmooooooottttthhhhly across the rocks

Brynn saw it. She screamed. 

The water tripped over the large boulders.

The otter didn’t give a shit.

We searched for him. He was gone. Where did he go? Mike asked. I drank my beer.

Then we fished. It was hot. There were noises. I ignored them. There was also sunshine. Sand was under my ass. Mike said he shot an elk over there. Ooooookkkkkkaaaaay. Prove it. No. whatever.

We went up up up up up up the stairs. 

The dogs went up up up up up up the stairs also. 

We got to the top. There were trees. Also a creek. The creek babbled and wound its way to the pond. The pond was dirty and gross. Probably a kid pooped in there in the past. So there’s shit at the bottom of the pond. It’s a shit pond. A shitty shitty pond full of kid shit? Also probably deers made poops in there, too. 

The grass was so fricken green, oh my god. Those damned pine trees drop their damned poopy brown pine cones (THWUNK--don't let em catch you off guard if you're walkin around at night!) and papa hates them cuz they are EVERYFUCKINGWHERE. Pick em up! Whatcha doin boy? Pick em up!