Form as a Shell

Miller says, “For some writers…the conscious use of form can sometimes be the only way certain types of truths can be approached at all.” I’ve been enjoying my poetry class this semester; I can hide truths in the shitty poems I write, can send them off into the world and no one is the wiser. But I feel better.

I’ve been using this idea to write creative nonfiction lately. It still feels very vulnerable, but I can’t stop. I have to write the things I’m writing, and I realize now that the lyric essay has been helping me…not hide, exactly. But package the truth, I suppose. It’s snowballing, though, and I keep writing and it keeps getting weirder and I’m discovering things but I’m also feeling like it is cathartic. 

“Mr. Green Jeans” is a little overwhelming, but I get it. Juxtaposing facts about others with some vulnerable truths makes them easier to present. I see that. The small truths the readers are allowed makes enough of an impact. We see that the speaker has an abundance of emotions and experience that he isn’t sharing—so we can feel the weight of the smaller doses and we can infer the rest. 

I’m rethinking my own form use. I don’t know what it will look like yet (as I’ve already got some wonky form thing going on), but I feel…liberated, maybe? I’m doing a thing already that Brenda Miller says is…appropriate? Writerly? It still scares the shit out of me, and maybe I’ll never actually share what I write. But there are options for me when I want to write the hard truths. When I want to send things off into the world to make myself feel better or whatever. 

I write vulnerably. It’s just what I do. But it’s hard, sometimes, because writing vulnerably also puts you in a super fragile place. You want it to be good. You want people to understand. You want to be less alone. Essentially you’re at the mercy of your readers. You can not give a shit. But you do give a shit. That’s life. 

So covering some vulnerable parts with a form/shell is good. Your readers have to work harder, so that makes them vulnerable, too. Not as vulnerable as you, but less in control as they would be if you just served them the truth straight-up. With no packaging to work through. I like that.