Good Is Good, Nerve Is Better; or Me, My Mac and Cheese, and You

Good is Good, Nerve is Better or

Me, My Mac and Cheese, and You

I know her. Haden, I know that girl. You see her? The cashier. Lane two. Over there. What do you mean what one? The one at the register, stupid. Look. Yeah. Her. Whoa, stop looking. You trying to get a restraining order? Jesus.

She’s cute, man. I had her in UF class my first semester here. Well, of course I’m going to talk to her. You think I wouldn’t? You think I’m some sort of guy that doesn’t talk to her? A coward? Come on. I just gotta think of something to say. Gotta be just right. Charming, obviously. But that comes easy. I’m a charming fella. Don’t wanna come on too strong, though, but still strong enough that my motives are made manifest. But what? What to say…

I got it, Hade. I know what I’m going to do. So, first I gotta to reestablish our current relationship as passerbys. She’ll remember me. I’ll be like, Hey Ellie, (which I just learned for her nametag) it’s been some time. Yeah, we had Foundations together. Uh huh. I was the guy who gave that speech about my high school girlfriend and the Super Bowl. Yeah, I have lots of those. Girlfriends. Not Super Bowls. Obviously. I wouldn’t be shopping at Albertson’s if I did. Not that this isn’t a respectable establishment. It’s nice. Love the cookies. But, I don’t have one now. A girlfriend, that is. I mean, I could, but I choose not to. Well, I’m just prudent about it, you know. Gotta browse the market. Like I am now. At Albertson’s. Quality or quantity and all that.

Then, she’ll talk. After that I’ll get a little mojo going, see what she’s doing this weekend, and ask her out. Simple as that, man. One, two, three.

It’s not stupid. That was good. A little rough around the edges? Yeah. Sure. But, I’m a performer, Haden. You know that. I do my best work under the lights. What do you mean? I’m not stalling. I’m just waiting for the line to clear out. I want as much time as I can get with her. We both know she’ll want it, too. No, I’m going to do it. Oh, shut up. All those other times were different. It’s not that I was chickening out; it’s that I didn’t feel it then. I feel it now.

Alright. I’ll do it. Right here. Right now. Here I go. I’m walking. I’m walking faster. Now I’m walking slower. I’m walking all kinds of speeds. Every which way. I’ll walk this way and that way. Take the scenic route cause I’m a scenic fellow. Now we’re at the isle. I’m going in. But wait! Garlic bread. I need garlic bread. Yup. Can’t live without it. I’m not stalling, Haden! I just need garlic bread.

I’ll go as soon as this guy leaves. Well obviously, we’ll wait a minute because, let’s be honest, that guy is gorgeous. Zero out of ten times will I have success following that. Look at him. He’s George Clooney. You know what happened? God watched Ocean’s Eleven, and was like, Verbatim! and that’s how this guy happened. He’s off. Good riddance. 

Okay. Here we go. He’s gone. I am not. Here I am. Here are my groceries. Why did I buy mac and cheese? Mac and cheese is so stupid. Ten-year-olds eat mac and cheese. Grab some gum or something. Gum is cool. Got my bread. Grape juice. Oh my God. I can’t do this. I’m losing it.

Hi. Why is she looking at me like that? Saying something, stupid. Say something! How are you? She’s good. That’s good. Good is good. I’m good. Now, there’s silence. Why is there silence? Where is Haden? Why is he such a God-awful wingman? Goddammit.

Say this: Hey. Do I know you from somewhere? There. Said it. Got it. Oh, she remembers. She remember me. Cool. We’re talking. This is going swimmingly. What a nice girl. I can do this. Get what you came for.

Got any plans for the weekend? That was easy. That was great. I believed it.

Oh my… She’s going to the hockey game with her boyfriend. Of fucking course she is. What do I do? The wall has been cast. Just nod. We’re nodding. There is a whole lot of nodding going on. We nod forever after.

At least I got my mac and cheese.